Browse Professor Quotes

Yesh kesef? Ein kesef, ein isha. (translation: Do you have money? No money, no woman.)
—Prof. Merdinger. Elementary Hebrew I.
I may be a complete idiot, but that's besides the point.
—Jonathan Liebson, pretending to be an essayist, Writing Workshop I
'You should squeeze a baby, they squeeze nice . . . and they bounce back!'
—Prof. Carol Flax, Human Reproduction at the School of Social Work
I do know a thing or two about boys.
—Professor G. Starr - on her multi-talented self.
They're just not visible without ... special instruments.
—Professor Kulick, Anthropology of Sexuality and Gender, on the genitals of "fat" porn actresses
This is an anthropology class; we know about kinship.
—Professor Kulick, Anthropology of Sexuality and Gender, on his understanding the fact that most people will miss his class the day before Thanksgiving
If any of you end up in jail, let us know so we can excuse you from the lab.
—Prof. Trace Jordan referring to a past instance of two students getting arrested for taking water samples from the East River, Natural Sciencs: Energy and Environment
The homo's too subtle.
—Prof. Joanne Savio in response to a student film with homosexual relationships after not realizing that there were any
I was doing this slow striptease in front of a metal detector.
—Prof. Scott Walden, Logic, on Air Canada's increased security procedures
What's the opposite of a chicken? An anti-chicken?
—Professer Dougherty on a wacky Australian language known as Walpiri
If you're gonna cheat it's gonna be hard to catch you - so don't cheat.
—Professor Miller telling us there wouldn't be enough ta's to proctor the exam
In G.S.P. we just read about Machiavelli's ideas. In Stern they actually practice them.
—Professor Colaiaco, Social Foundations II in reference to Machiavelli's <i>The Prince</i>
This is psychotherapy, not a massage parlor.
—Professor Jenkins, Intro to Clinical Psychology, on a patient who wanted to "undress"
Men were very good dancers in the 18th century - it, uh - takes two to tango you know.
—Professor Dustin Griffin, Austen Colloquium - responding to a student's comment that dancing was traditionally something that only interested women.
I'm not saying that conspiracies are never true.
—Professor Linda Gordon, American Social Movements
It's like riding a buttered horse without a saddle.
—Professor Bishai, Aural Comprehension
Middle class people make great terrorists. You will all be the terrorists of the future!
—Prof. Stephen Duncombe Politics of Media: Power and Persuasion
Busines cycles are sexy.
—Professor Leahy, Macroeconomics
I love Russian Literature all the way up to the 1930s, when Stalinism bullshit comes about. Instead of stories about boy-meets-girl, its boy-meets-tractor.
—Professor Rudy - Nabokov, Russian Literature
I have a class full of sluts
—Burt Goldburg, Nat Sci 2: Human Genetics; in reference to his class's lowbrow sense of humor
...What I always wonder is, who's the poor graduate student who has to go in and get these measurements? 'All right, we want you to go in there and measure that gorilla's penis... oh, and make sure it's erect!'
—Professor Terry Harrison, after telling his Natural Science: Human Origins class about the average erect penis sizes of humans, chimps, and gorillas
I always think of the self as located just behind the sternum.
—Professor Elaine Freedgood, The 19th-Century Novel, explaining her "self"-reflexive gesture
When the government imposed a curfew they had curfew fetes. When the oil bubble burst they had recession fetes. They say, 'Times are bad, but we're going down fete-ing!'
—Professor Renee Blake on the reputation of Trinidadians, Language and Liberation in the Carribean
I sell shoes for a living, or I'm a Political Science professor....I don't know, we're all thinking about Sinbad anyway.
—Professor Will Clark, Comparative Politics
Euclid would have puked!
—Professor Novikoff, talking about contemporary methods of mathematics instruction, Pre-Calculus
Americans love Chianti. They just don't like the way it tastes.
—vintner Joseph Gallo on the company's new "American-friendly" wines
You are all Kenyans!
—sign held by spectator on NYC marathon route
Don't even open Kant unless you've smoked a hell of a lot of weed beforehand.'
—Professor Al Piacente, Ethics and Socity
I went with some friends to Las Vegas. I'm happy to announce that I'm now married to Britney Spears.
—Prof. Trace Jordan, Natural Science 2: Molecules of Life
So if you believe you are following the finger of God and you meet a guy there that speaks English, you've got to be thinking 'All right!'
—Walter Johnson, US History to 1865, describing the Puritans meeting Squanto.
The Persians learned one thing from every culture they contacted. From the Ancient Greeks they learned how to love little boys.
—Professor Joel Christensen, History of Ancient Greece
Miniature poodles and all these other horrible creatures...they're going insane because their brains are bigger than their skulls.
—Professor Robert Squillace, Humanities I, on dogbreeding and Greenwich Village
You're at, like, my tit level.
—Professor Katherine Svistoonoff, describing what she said to a short flamenco artist she met
That's really what this class is about: is she or isn't she a virgin?
—Professor Sternhell, Women & the Media: discussing Britney Spears
Sex is something you have to do. It's like tic-tacs.
—Prof. Rutigliano, Classic Texts and Contemporary Life, on the difference between sex and love.
We call it the weak force because it is very weak.
—Professor Allen Mincer, Nat. Science I, Cosmos and the Earth.
Listen, you are right! You are the expert of what is going on in your head!
—Prof Novikoff entertaining an incorrect answer, Calc 1
My life is terrible, but at least my mother isn't an opium addict.
—Professor Dermot O'Brien, Topics in Modern Political Thought, talking about Nietzsche's "The Gay Science"
God is not a turtle.
—Professor Friedrich Ulfers, on the mysterious nature of the universe.
I realize that sometimes NYU seems like a giant faceless octopus---but at least now it is extending us a caressing tentacle......
—Prof Goelet, telling his students about how NYU is willing to pay for the books of students misplaced from their proper housing.
God forbid that Lenin's body fall into the wrong hands
—Professor Borenstein, World Cultures Russia, talking about moving Lenin's body out of the Mausoleum
You should stop me when I do something stupid.
—Prof. Eric vanden Eijnden, referring to a graphing error on the blackboard, Calculus 1
(referring to a painting) I like this. It's crispy.
—Michael St. John, Introduction to Painting
Once one cluster of cells, or node, is activated, it activates associated nodes. (drawing) So here's a node, here's a node, here a node, there a node, everywhere a node node.
—Prof. Mayne explains the spreading activation model, Intro. to Psychology
The next Western influence was Rousseau. Does anybody know what Rousseau's message was?
(Silence.)
Does anybody here know how to spell 'Rousseau'?
—Prof. Kotsonis getting cranky
You'll have to turn on the ac because soon the room is going to be full of hot air.
—Professor Peter Malinow, School of Social Work
I am going to be quote unquote migrated. It should be an interesting experience . . . some may not live through it.
—Professor John Costello issues a caveat as to the validity of his NYU email address in Societies and Social Sciences: Linguistic Perspectives.
I once knew a girl named Virginia. I called her Virgin for short, but not for long.
—Professor Yellin, Expressive Cultures: Sounds
People are looking at you funny ... you don't know why ... maybe it's your phonemes!
—Professor Maloney, Perception: trying to explain the necessity of using the correct basic sound units of language
Paraphrased. - Look at this equation. I think of it in German, I speak to you about it in English, but I count it in Yiddish!!
—A Golden Oldie. Prof. Lipman Bers was truly famous and taught here at Courant in the 50-60 period. He left to assume the chairmanship at Columbia. He has sadly passed from us.
Don't ask me, I'm only the professor. It's the TA's who do all the work. Heck, you've noticed right? I can't even add.
—Professor Miller - Parting words in Chemistry 1 lecture
Student: My paper isn't long enough.
Prof. Sherman: Can't you change the font or the margins or something?
—Dave Sherman, Modern British & American Poetry
I don't want us to think that Americans are the only evil people in the world
—Professor Linda Gordon, American Social Movements
Some of you confused Iran and Iraq. Don't do that. That's what we have politicians for.
—Prof. Flood, Art in the Islamic World
Canadians...well they're kind of like us. I just got back from Texas and they are NOT like us!
—Professor Michelle Gittelman, Business Policy and Strategy
Your grade in this class may be a lot lower than you think... (pauses in reflection) ...But then again, who cares? It's the last semester of Spanish you'll have. It doesn't matter anyway.
—said by substitute t.a., Adrian, regarding the importance of doing well in Spanish 4.
I'm glad to see you are all educated in your sexual perversions.
—Professor Washburn, Mind in Society
I hope nobody cheated while I was gone by looking into the despair in the eyes of the person sitting next to you.
—Prof. Scott McPartland, Poltics of the Environment (Gallatin)
Semantics is like trying to nail jello to the wall.
—Professor Costello, expressing his love for other linguistic fields Language, or the class now known as linguistic perspectives
Right, you sort of have to de-box the box.
—Prof. Bob Rehder on functional fixedness problems; Seminar in Thinking
Yeah ... those kids are great.
—Professor Andy Hilford, on Metallica, in Cognition
I think it is true for all n. I was just playing it safe with n >= 3 because I couldn't remember the proof.
—Prof. Baker of Pure Math
The DNA is half-loaded, which what you're all going to be after the midterm.
—Professor Neville Kallenbach, Biochemistry 1
I don't want babies with four heads, because that would hurt.
—Professor Gabrielle Starr, 18th-Century Novel, giving us more reasons why marrying your cousin is bad.
'Have you ever been attacked by Canadian Snow geese? Its like that.'
—Prof. Carol Flax, Human Reproduction at the School of Social Work
Can you imagine that ... the fashion horrors!
—Professor Kulick, Anthropology of Sex and Gender, on the overwhelming lack of aesthetics amongst anthropologists going to conferences
Ok...so I'm going to put this out here for you and I want you to soak it up. Imagine that I'm the miracle whip and you're the wonder bread...
—Professor Peachin, Department of Classics, on explaing to his Con West class the background to some reading
Don't think about the nude; just look how beautifully the sheets are painted.
—Professor Pepe Karmel; Modern Art Survey Course, Fine Arts Dept.
If you don't understand this, it doesn't really matter too much.
—Professor Bob Evans, talking to himself, Introduction to Economic Analysis
For some of us, God is Omar Sharif.
—Professor Dermot Obrien, Topics in Modern Political Thought, relating "Lawrence of Arabia" to Nietzsche's "The Gay Science"
You're old enough to buy guns; you're old enough to do your homework
—Professor Greenleaf, Quantative Reasoning
(Student gestures to equation and asks, How do you know that's a horizontal asymptote?)
What do you want it to be, a cat?
—Prof. Marco Avellaneda, Calculus 1
It was the only tasteful rug at KMart. It begged me to rescue it!
—Jolter Alexis' mother<br> (Summertime and the quotin' is easy. Send your favorite in!)
The sunlight keeps coming in lower and lower as the semester goes on. Maybe on the last day it'll hit the opposite wall. Like at Stonehenge. We can sacrifice a virgin. By the way, if this shows up on the internet, I'm never making jokes in class again.
—Professor Scott Walden, Logic. He's on to us.
You should all read the 'New York Times' op-eds. Except whenever Maureen Dowd writes one. Because she's a bitch.
—my Prose Composition professor
I actually knew Rajan Mahadevan a little when I was in college. At least, I kept him from getting beat up at a bar once
—Prof. Rehder discussing the man who memorized 31,811 digits of Pi, Seminar in Thinking
Suffice it to say that the manifold beauties of random assignment are not obvious to nonresearchers.
—R. Barker Bausell, from the manifold beauties of the "Research Experiences and Methods" class reading
You know what, we're all nerds - that's why we're so successful.
—Heather Alumbaugh, TA for Writing New York - trying to make her students feel better about their relative nerd status.
Riddler - just riddles - not a freak.
—Professor Cyrus Patell clarifying things after misidentifying the Joker as the Riddler during a lecture on Batman in Writing New York.
You are small, mountains are big, yikes.
—Professor Elaine Freedgood, attempting to monotonously explain the Romantic Poets' perception of the sublime as a mode of expression. British Literature II.
Usually 35 percent get A's, 30 percent B's, 30 percent C's, there are usually a few D's, and F's, for people who never never show up or turn in homework, and who may have died.
—Professor Schucking, Origins of Astronomy, explaining the grade distribution of the final exam. (At last! Another Schucking quote! How we've missed him! - Jolt)
Don't worry, it's not English.
—Professor Elaine Freedgood, The 19th-Century English Novel, on the incomprehensible prose stylings of the English novelist, George Eliot.
I'm like a mom - I have eyes in the back of my head and ears in my butt.
—Heather Alumbaugh, Writing New York, on her super powers.
Don't ever forget about Milton for more than 5 minutes when you're an English major.
—Professor Elaine Freedgood, The 19th-Century English Novel, on Miltonic importance in the every day lives of English majors.
What are the symbols people use to show their part of the West Indies? How do you know when you go into somebody's house whether they're from Trinidad or Jamaica? Is it a national flag? Or plastic on the couch?
—Prof. Renee Blake, Language and Liberation in the Carribean
_Confessions of a Sofa_ - that sounds like a good one.
—Professor Bryan Waterman, Writing New York, on a "promising" sounding novella title.
From one set of genitals to another.
—Professor Bryan Waterman, Writing New York, creating a nice seque between a erotica and Whitman.
Or didn't. She's dead. I still have a hard time accepting it.
—Professor Elaine Freedgood, The 19th-Century Novel, on coming to terms with George Eliot's death, over 100 years later.
Emerson - he doesn't like stuff and junk. He's anti-crap.
—Prof. Bryan Waterman, Writing New York, breaking Emerson down for us.
If I had a wagon like this when I was a child, I would be even more aesthetic that I am now. It's TDF -- to-die-for!
—Professor Kenneth Silver, Cubism to Surrealism, commenting on the beauty of Garret Reitveld's "Children's Wagon" of 1923
If 100 foreigners die, that's not news. If three Americans die in a foreign country, that's front page news.
—Professor Nadel, Reporting I, talking about newsworthiness
Student asking about a recent quiz: I was confused by the question asking about what leads to complex behaviors like eating and mating? Because, like, I don't think of mating as a complex behavior.
Well, I don't know how you do it . . .
—Prof. Mike Hawken about to offer some pointers in Natural Science II: Brain and Behavior
--Deaf people are blunt.
--Hearing people are wishy washy.
—Prof. Sweenie tells it like it is in American Sign Language I
At the time of the big bang, there wasn't any sound. Well I don't know, there could have been a sound. I didn't hear it.
—Professor Volk, Natural Science II: Biosphere
Student on a study about attention deficits caused by cell phone use while driving: Did they break the results down by gender?
Well, no, but we all know that men have no problem with this sort of thing right?
—Prof. Mike Hawken, asking for it in Natural Science II: Brain and Behavior
Everybody's like, 'Yay, it's snowing! It's at least 32 degrees!'
—Professor Damast, on the relative ease of getting to Modern Dance class when it's 32 degrees out.
After the exam, we can meet for some chocolate milk.
—Professor Enrique Delamonica, Economics, GSP
It's on the Internet. I love it.
—Professor Kulick, on the transcript of former President Clinton explaining that fellatio does not equal sex
Gentle-hearted, I don't know about that, he could be really bitchy.
—Professor Lockridge, Topics in Critical Theories and Methods, commenting on Coleridge's epithet "gentle-hearted Charles" about Charles Lamb, in "This Limetree Bower my Prison"
Fielding became a lawyer, because that's what you do when you can't write creatively.
—Professor G. Starr, on Henry Fielding's occupation after the 1737 Licensing Act - Fielding never produced a play again.

 1  2   Next